So, I went to work today. It was all fun and giggles, but I needed to keep busy. So I decided, that, since we had everything prepared and set up, I would just clean. My chef thought it was a good day to switch around the kitchen, so I was asked to clean certain things, which I did, and I even cleaned more, because it annoyed me.

I got some praise for it, but I was like, well, I do work here and it's my job aswell to keep this place clean, so I just shrugged it off.

I had a good day today. Apart from the me not sleeping much, still... I don't know where it comes from.
Maybe I am scared to sleep, because my brain tells me things in my dreams, and I don't want to see it yet.

I still hurt, but my friend makes it bearable. he actually called me tonight, because he missed my voice, and said that he was sad to miss me for almost 2 days.

He is a sweet kid. But a kid, nonetheless. I have no idea what to do about it, yet. Maybe this weekend will provide some answers,,,

So, work early tomorrow, and a long day ahead, and still not asleep.. and school the day after....

Great...


How the hell am I going to do all this???


I seriously don't know anymore, apart from just doing it just as it is and taking one second at a time, because that is how it feels... I can hardly tell time any more.. it's moment to moment...

And I still hurt, for the so manieth time..

Will I ever grow out of this?? And if so, when......??